PICKLED BY ONIONS
By Mike Walters 1/08/2009
BRING HOME THE ASHES 3RD TEST, DAY 2 FROM EDGBASTON
After the tripe came the Onions, and a Test match was transformed.
Never, in modern times, had a bowler taken two wickets with the first two balls of a day's play - until Graham Onions' dramatic opening gambit yesterday.
Only Dominic Cork's hat-trick, in the opening over of a Sunday's play against the West Indies at Old Trafford in 1995, can rival Onions' sudden impact on a summer Ricky Ponting will never forget.
The Aussies thought England had rustled up a county trundler when they picked the leading wicket-taker in first-class cricket this summer ahead of his Durham team-mate Steve Harmison for the Ashes.
Not to put too fine a point on it, they thought it was more cafeteria bowling - help yourself - from the same conveyor belt which brought us Martin McCague, Phil Newport and Richard Dawson.
But after knocking over Shane Watson and Mike Hussey with his two "looseners" on a memorable Friday morning at Edgbaston, the cobbers know their Onions now.
He bowls fast, straight and is the nearest thing to Terry Alderman English cricket has unearthed since the Aussie nemesis was driving Graham Gooch scatty 20 years ago.
England, who had served up 30 overs of abject bilge in Thursday's false start, have never been more grateful for the catalyst who began a wonderful procession of seven wickets for 77 runs in the prelunch session.
The good people of Birmingham, a city with more miles of canal than Venice, could have been forgiven for refusing to touch with a bargepole odds of 11-4 on an England win before start of play.
But Onions soon had the Aussies unravelling like Spaghetti Junction, Brum's famous monument to urban chaos, from 126-1 overnight to 263 all out in the npower Third Test.
His first ball of the morning held its line and nipped back just enough to beat the inside edge. Elementary, my dear Watson.
From the next, Hussey became the first established batsman to surrender his wicket twice in this series by shouldering arms to a perfectly straight delivery. Thanks for coming, Mr Cricket.
By the time Onions had removed Ponting, tickling an attempted hook to wicketkeeper Matt Prior from a ball which hurried on to him, England were not just tying their kangaroo down, sport - it was as if he had let all the air out of an inflatable Skippy. Cheer up, Ricky. As Jasper Carrott, a comic of this parish once said: "You draw some, you lose some."
No wonder the Geordie attache for cultural affairs in the Midlands milked the applause from the riff-raff in the Eric Hollies stand like a dairy maid, doffing his cap and waving to his adoring subjects when he returned to his patrol on the boundary between overs.
In the Cricketers' Who's Who, Onions lists his career outside cricket as "Newcastle United manager". He would certainly make a better fist of it than some of the clowns who have held the post lately.
But he is unlikely to take up his dream job before August 24, when England should have a pressing engagement with an antique urn in Kennington because these Aussies do not look as if they are at the Blaydon Races.
Onions' 4-58 came as no surprise to his fast bowling ally Harmison, with whom he may yet team up at Headingley next week if Freddie Flintoff's knee is on the blink or Stuart Broad needs a rest from his anaemic form.
Harmy said: "I've watched Graham develop since he was 16. It's no accident he's the country's leading wicket-taker this season.
"Apart from putting on half a yard of pace, what I've noticed about him most is his improvement not only as a cricketer but as a person. I think everyone at Durham will understand what I mean by that.
"It was so tough for him to be left out of the side last summer when we were closing in on the county championship, but in a funny way it might have been the best thing to have happened to him.
"He's come back with a greater appreciation of the game and his own ability, and he's kept his standards high. Don't take my word for it, ask Michael Vaughan, ask Marcus Trescothick, ask Ian Bell.
"Graham never gives the batsman a moment's peace because he bowls wicket-to-wicket. They have to play at everything."
Last night, as England's hero of the 11th hour left Edgbaston, he wore the broad grin of a man who had brought the holy grail a little closer. And if they go on to land the big prize before this month is out, nobody will begrudge him a celebration.
Pickled Onions, anyone?
Comments ()
